Trigger Warning - Self Harm

Understanding Self Harm

What is self harm?

Many people harm themselves in some way, by smoking, drinking, working too hard or exercising too much. But for some people Self Harm is more apparent and can be quite severe.

Self Harm (Self Injury) can be where someone harms their body without wanting to die. Many people who harm themselves also have suicidal thoughts. But most feel feel there is a difference between suicidal acts and acts of Self Harm. They may say " I didn't want to die, I just needed to get rid of the pain".

Some people may harm themselves many times a day. It involves a ritual, some people may feel addicted to the Self Harm behaviour. Others may only harm themselves when they're emotional stress.

Who Self Harms?

People who Self Harm may feel distressed a lot of the time. They may be stressed and very sensitive to rejection.

Self Harm is not determined by race, sexual preference or social group. Research has suggests that women than men harm themselves (men may show their feelings in other ways). It tends to begin in adolescent and may decrease or disappear in the thirties, although not always. Some people who harm themselves have been sexually, emotionally or physical abused in their early life.

Why do people Self Harm?

People often don't know why they Self Harm at the time. But through talking to a lot of people who harm themselves, research has allowed us to begin to understand what may be happening. Below are some reasons why someone may turn to harming themselves:

To manage moods or feelings -

- To escape from emptiness, depression, shame, feeling spaced out or unreal.

- To relieve built up tensions, pressure or anger

- To feel something - to know you still exist

- To feel in control

- To express or stop sexual feelings

- To stop myself from killing myself

- To get a thrill or Adrenalin rush

To fit with beliefs or thoughts -

- To punish yourself for feeling as though you're "bad"

- To maintain negative beliefs "I'm flawed, worthless, weird" etc

- To escape from feelings of guilt

- To cope with the expectations of others for example, regarding sexuality or regarding arranged marriage.

To communicate -

- To let people know how bad things are

- To make your body show your pain

- To express anger towards others and yourself, but on your own body

- To obtain or maintain a response from others you feel you may not have without it

- To punish others via your own body

- To get people to listen to you

- To feel like part of a group and have an identity

Many people who self harm regard their behaviour as a way of surviving. It may be a way of coping with unbearable emotional pain. Their reasons for self harming tend to be complex. People can become addicted to self harm the way others are addicted to drinking or drugs etc, this will become out of their control. They may feel like self harm is a part of their identity. If you self harm please remember this is not true. you ARE NOT defined by your self harm, think of it more like a flat tire. Although you are driving with caution, you can't always expect something to go wrong. You can't always see that nail or a pot hole or whatever the issue may be and you have to pause your journey through life to deal with this "flat tire".

Sadly some people may think there is no future for them and may end up committing suicide and some people may self harm and end up killing themselves.

Misusing medicines or tablets or aerosols can be very dangerous! Be cautious!

In what ways do people self harm?

People can self harm in many different ways such as:

- Cutting

- Burning

- Overdosing

- Poisoning

- Pulling their hair out

- Plucking at or scratching their skin

- Punch themselves or a solid object such as a wall

- Biting themselves

There is an endless amount of different methods used to self harm.

Why do people want to stop self harming?

Many people want to stop self harming and these are some reasons they might say:

- "It hurts sometimes"

- "When my wounds become infected they're very painful"

- "Trying to escape things by giving your self scars only reminds you of everything you're trying to escape from"

- "Every time you see where you self harmed, it reminds you of when you did it and therefore it makes you feel down again"

- "People treat you funny when you have scars"

- "It upsets the people who are close to you..."

- "I can't wear short-sleeved t-shirts in the summer"

- "I can't go on holiday to hot countries..."

- "I'm thinking of the future and what my children will think of my scars"

These are not the only reasons people may have to stop self harming.

How can I control my self harm?

- Do I need to change my life circumstances?

- If you are living in a situation that is physically or emotionally unsafe it will be difficult for you to stop self harming. If you are in a violent or abusive atmosphere ask yourself why are you staying. Try to plan how you may change your situation, it may help to talk to someone (friend, family, GP,etc)

What leads me to self harm?

It may be helpful to keep a diary of your day to help you understand why you do it and help you find out what your potential triggers may be.This diary may look something like this:

Try to keep a regular diary like this. This can be difficult or painful - it may be hard to capture your thoughts. But once you have discovered a pattern in your self harm you can begin to try methods that may help.

Ways to stop self harming -

Try some of the methods below to see if any of them work for you. But REMEMBER to try them more than once.

- Try to delay the act any way you can, go for a run, do some house work, go to the shops...

- Find some company, most people self harm when they isolate themselves, so walk the dog in a park or invite a friend over or visit a friend etc etc.

- Try getting an aquarium, they can be very therapeutic.

**Note**

I find that aquariums can be very therapeutic as when you are designing how you want it to look you can let your creativity take over. Drawing it out first may be a good first step, for a rough idea of what you may want but it's ok if you change your mind or go with the flow. Then go to a rescue shelter or a pet shop and pick out your fish, plants and coral (live or artificial), decorations and the substrate (sand, gravel, etc) Make sure you do your research on things like equipment, what fish would be a suitable addition to your aquarium and what fish or aquatic lifeforms (snails, shrimp etc) can live together peacefully in your aquarium and how to properly care for the aquatic lifeforms and live plants (if you decide on having them). When your masterpiece is complete watching the aquatic life forms can be very calming. In my opinion it is more therapeutic if you have live plants/coral in your aquarium as then you can watch the whole ecosystem be established. It may also be a good idea to get some cleaner fish or some shrimp as they clean the tank.

Right, back to the methods...

- Distract yourself, read a book, do a word search or crossword etc

- Try the 10- minute delay tactic. Say to yourself I can wait 10 minutes to self harm, then when that time is up , think again, say it again, try it again. Can you do it? Don't be upset if you can't it's ok baby step are awesome!

- Do something for yourself, eat something nice, pamper yourself, buy something for yourself etc...

- Try some meditation or mindfulness, try Insight timer and Headspace

- Listen to loud music , have a cold shower or other things to give you strong sensations to help distract you

- Exercise... Although it doesn't sound fun, exercising is great for your body and your mind and you can also make it fun...

- Call a friend or someone you trust

- Plan something. A holiday, night out, some volunteering work an event, join a club etc etc...

Try to keep yourself away from thing that you can use to self harm

- Shout out loud "NO!" or STOP!" this may help

- REMIND yourself that you DON'T have to action your emotions you can take a step back and try one of these methods or sometimes even just writing it down can help

Ask yourself the following questions:

- Do I blame myself for everything?

- Am I looking after myself?

- How can I cope with overwhelming feelings?

If you feel that nothing is working please talk to your GP or make an appointment with a counselor or contact the organisations below:

British Association for counselling and psychotherapy

Email: bacp@bacp.co.uk Telephone: 01455 883300 Twitter: @BACP Mail: BACP, 15 St John's Business Park, Lutterworth, Leicestershire LE17 4HB, United Kingdom